Trying to remain calm within chaos

I was reading my columns today, and this horrifying story poped up in Annie’s Mailbox:

Dear Annie: A friend of mine, age 40, has experienced a horrible double tragedy. Her boyfriend, age 45, with whom she lived for almost five years, was killed by a drunk driver in a head-on accident.

Since they were not married, the oceanfront home they shared in California, which was in his name only, will be inherited by his mother and brothers.
My friend will receive nothing. She not only lost her love, but will soon lose her beautiful home. They never planned for such a terrible situation.

Please alert your readers that if they are living with their significant other and choose not to marry, they need to make plans in case of an unforeseen death. This situation has devastated my friend. — Be Prepared for the Unexpected

And my thought was “Well thats exactly what happens to gay couples all the time, but at least heteros *can* get married, even if they choose not to”. So imagine my suprise when Annie’s goes there (emphasis mine):

Dear Be Prepared: The legal institution of marriage, like it or not, can protect partners from just such financial tragedies. This is one of the reasons why gay couples lobby so hard for civil unions.

What the fuck?!?!?!  Excuse me???  That sentance should read “This is one of the reasons why gay couples lobby so hard for equal marriage“.

First, because it is factually incorrect and gay couples are not lobbying hard for civil unions, we are lobbying for marriage.  We accept civil unions because we’re so desperate for any scrap of protection and equality that we clammor for whatever we can get.  Don’t  demean us by playing down what we actually want.  It is insulting.

Second, a civil union would not necessarily protect a gay couple in this situation and it certainly wouldn’t be unassailable by nasty family members.   The lesson here is that this straight couple should have drawn up some kind (any kind) of legal documents, and taken their turn on the spinning wheel of litigation and drama like the gay community does on a regular basis.  A civil union wouldn’t prevent this couple from having to pay inheritance taxes on their own house, or consider them widowed.

I hate hate hate it when (usually well meaning) straight people assume and  then tell others that civil unions are the same as marriage or are what gay people want.  Get it right – no one wants to sit at the back of the bus.  Sometimes we just have to endure it rather then get left behind.