I was reading my columns today, and this horrifying story poped up in Annie’s Mailbox:
Dear Annie: A friend of mine, age 40, has experienced a horrible double tragedy. Her boyfriend, age 45, with whom she lived for almost five years, was killed by a drunk driver in a head-on accident.
Since they were not married, the oceanfront home they shared in California, which was in his name only, will be inherited by his mother and brothers.
My friend will receive nothing. She not only lost her love, but will soon lose her beautiful home. They never planned for such a terrible situation.Please alert your readers that if they are living with their significant other and choose not to marry, they need to make plans in case of an unforeseen death. This situation has devastated my friend. — Be Prepared for the Unexpected
And my thought was “Well thats exactly what happens to gay couples all the time, but at least heteros *can* get married, even if they choose not to”. So imagine my suprise when Annie’s goes there (emphasis mine):
Dear Be Prepared: The legal institution of marriage, like it or not, can protect partners from just such financial tragedies. This is one of the reasons why gay couples lobby so hard for civil unions.
What the fuck?!?!?! Excuse me??? That sentance should read “This is one of the reasons why gay couples lobby so hard for equal marriage“.
First, because it is factually incorrect and gay couples are not lobbying hard for civil unions, we are lobbying for marriage. We accept civil unions because we’re so desperate for any scrap of protection and equality that we clammor for whatever we can get. Don’t demean us by playing down what we actually want. It is insulting.
Second, a civil union would not necessarily protect a gay couple in this situation and it certainly wouldn’t be unassailable by nasty family members. The lesson here is that this straight couple should have drawn up some kind (any kind) of legal documents, and taken their turn on the spinning wheel of litigation and drama like the gay community does on a regular basis. A civil union wouldn’t prevent this couple from having to pay inheritance taxes on their own house, or consider them widowed.
I hate hate hate it when (usually well meaning) straight people assume and then tell others that civil unions are the same as marriage or are what gay people want. Get it right – no one wants to sit at the back of the bus. Sometimes we just have to endure it rather then get left behind.
TV Guide has a short interview with Joss Whedon up, and not only does it have me revved up and excited for the Buffy Season 8 Comic, it is also nice to see him discussing sexism in comics (abit briefly). Esecially after the slought of accurate but depressing blogposts about sexism in the comics industry in the latest Carnival of Feminists.
The most relevent quotes:
TVGuide.com: Does she get comic-book superheroine breast implants?
Whedon: She really doesn’t. I’ve been fortunate that I’ve never worked with a T&A artist. I’m very specific about that.
TVGuide.com: Isn’t that the raison d’etre of lots of comics?
Whedon: That’s part of why I stopped reading comics for a while. All the people I work with draw actual women.
And there are 4 pages of the upcoming comic up for your perusal. Minor but hilarious spoilers.
Andrew Sullivan had this awesome John McCrae poem up in honor of veterans day, which made me think of this poem by Carl Sandburg.
Grass
Pile the bodies high at Austerlitz and Waterloo.
Shovel them under and let me work
I am the grass; I cover all.
And pile them high at Gettysburg
And pile them high at Ypres and Verdun.
Shovel them under and let me work.
Two years, ten years, and passengers ask the conductor:
What place is this?
Where are we now?
I am the grass.
Let me work.
This song is fuckin’ catchy. It starts out all goofy and weird with the lead singer and his crazy falsetto, next thing you know you are bouncing around your office in circles. Damn you Scisors Sisters and your catchy musical stylings.
Lauren has reecently stumbled upon this bloody brilliant idea. Alone we are all individuals who have had to struggle by hand and foot, deal with confusing buearucracy, and hope that luck will see us through. Together, we can share tips, resources, and ideas.
So this is my first contribution to the worthy cause. How FreeCycle saved the world or more specifically, how FreeCycle saved me money, time, and my social life.
Free Cycle works like this: Say I have some stuff I don’t need. I put up a notice on my local Free Cycle group. Someone answers my ad and takes the stuff from me FOR FREE. Yes free. Completely and 100% free.
I got hooked into Free Cycle from my friend JC. He moved to another state with a rumbly car full of clothes, a computer, and some video games. He had no furniture at all. He got an apartment and bought a sleeping bag and slept on the floor. Then a friend told him about Free Cycle. Within two months he had a double bed, a desk, a dresser, two end tables, a loveseat, a kitchen table, and two mismatched chairs. Over the next 6 months he got a recliner, a coffee table, and a papisan chair. And an antique coffee pot.
I’ve been on Free Cycle for about 4 months, and I’ve gotten flowerpots, two king size top sheets (my girlfriend and I share a double bed and we are both sheet hogs), knitting supplies including yarn, a side table, two sweaters, and a lamp. And some board games, but more on that later.
The stuff you get is thrift store quality, so sometimes it is ugly as sin, sometimes it is amazingly cool. But it is FREE. All you have to do is arrange to pick it up from someone.
So go to the Free Cycle main page, and find a Free Cycle group in your area. You’ll have to sign up for a Yahoo Group, and then you are in. Don’t sign up to get every email, because my group for example has about 30-50 per day. Sign up for digest or read it on the web.
And encourage your friends to sign up. Free Cycle works better the more people are on it. The more people, the more stuff. Put up some fliers at your local library or coffee shops or wherever people can post things. A couple bucks in paper and ink will really go along way if you can swing it. Put an ad for them on your blog or website.
So one of the categories that Lauren has as a part of HUHO is “things you can do with your kids that don’t cost anything”. I don’t have kids, but people are constantly giving away craft sets and books on Free Cycle, so putting out an add for art supplies and kid friendly crafts might yeild some really good results. And think outside the box. I saw someone ask for wood, a hammer, nails, and sand. You know what they did? Built their own backyard sand box. For free. Today someone is offering childrens books and puzzles another is giving away an older computer pinball game. I’ve seen people give away one earring or broken plates for crafts.
Lauren also wants to know ” how to entertain some friends without breaking the bank” and this is time for my special free cycle story. When my girlfriend and I moved in together we brought 7 decks of cards between us but no other games. We wanted to be able to have things to do with friends, so we put out a call for board games. We now have Clue, Scrabble, Boggle, Uno, and Taboo. Ok, so the scrabble is missing some tiles… we just use scraps of paper. Clue is missing the rope, but we just use a bit of string. If we asked again who knows what we might get. That was just off one post!
So the moral of the story is: Join Free Cycle. Get free things you need, free things you wish you could buy, and find free things being offered that suddenly inspire you. I made an old coffee table into a kick ass ottoman using some old pillows and fabric I had lying around and a glue gun. And spread the love and the word about Free Cycle.
Confession upfront: I am a huge fan of Law and Order: SVU. It is one of the few crime shows on tv that actually has a victiem centric approach, and it’s characters and storylines often use feminist principals, language, and support systems to achieve the goals of assisting victiems and prosecuting criminals.
So maybe I’m not the most right person to think that The View’s toaken conservative Elizabeth Hassleback is completely off her gourd for going all nutty over a victiem named Elizabeth Hassenback. She is claiming that her name is so unique that the show obviously and blantently is ripping on her and wants her to be raped and killed. I think that she is completely nuts.
First, shows have rules about such things. What she is talking about cannot be done because there are a cadre of lawyers who approve EVERY name that ever ends up on screen or on tv. That is why all movies and most tv shows have the disclaimer about how names are conicidence. You can’t get away with digging at your enemies via movies and tv unless it is clear parody. Why would Dick Wolfe put his entire franchise in jeoparody over her?
Second, Elisabeth is a VERY common name. A quick tour on How Many of Me reveals that 34,496 people in America are named Elisabeth and 1,405,353 people are named Elizabeth. That means there are approximately 1,439,852 people in this country with her first name. And according to the Social Security Administration, Elizabeth has been the 9th-12th most popular name in America since 1979. In 1977, the year she was born, it was the 13th most popular baby name in America.
Her last name is less common, in fact, Hasselback doesn’t even appear in the How Many of Me database. But neither does Hassenback. But both have the same root, Hasse, and there are 2,190 people in the US with that last name. There are 10 Elizabeth Hasse’s in America. A quick search on last-names.net reveals 2,209 Hasse’s in existing Family Trees, 8,542 Hasse’s in Census Records, and 3,771 Hasse’s in Birth, Marriage, Military & Death Records. Hasse is a pretty common root. In fact, Hasse means “hate” in German according to Babelfish. So what do Hassenback and Hasselbeck mean? Hassenback(the name of the character) translates to “hate-bake”. Hasselbeck doesn’t translate to anything specific. So let’s recap.
A woman with one of the most popular first names in the country and a somewhat unique lastname that has many common variations is complaining that a popular and sucessful TV show named a rape and murder victiem after her as a way to bother, intimidate, and/or threaten her.
Right.
Her next complaint is that the executive producer, presumably Neal Baer or David J. Burke, was rude to her. Well I would be rude too, if a strange and angry lady called me out of the blue to claim I was stealing her common and popular name in order to defame her. The way Elizabeth Hassleback tells the story, she was this perfect rational little angel and he was an ass. Given that Elizabeth Hassleback when angry is more like a raging psycho who has to be reminded of the rules of common behavior and respect… repeatedly… I’m not inclined to think that is how it went down.
I am not saying it is impossible that the name was a dig at her and the producers were rude. I’m saying it is far far more likely that a person with anger management issues and a need to dominate conversation by being right all the time attacked a show with clear liberal feminist leanings because she is nuts.
Via Crooks and Liars, this Green Day and U2 video is amazing. I especially like the use of the first lines of “House of the Rising Sun”. Tragically awesome.
I’m long on the reccord for thinking that civil unions or civil partnerships are bullshit. I think that they violate the federal constitution and are clearly a violation of Brown vs The Board of Education. So I am, in some small way, disapointed that the victory in New Jersey is not a victory for equal marriage and I join John in thinking that any media outlet who portrays it as such is misreading this ruling.
So why am I so happy? It’s not just because we won – it is because we totally and unilaterally kicked ass. I’m happy because this was a 100% victory.
Wait, you’re saying. Don’t the media reports say that it was a 4-3 ruling? Where are you getting 7-0 from?
If you read the summary of the ruling put out by the New Jersey Court, you’ll see that four justices agreed to the opinion that gay couples being unable to access the rights of marriage was bullshit. However they stopped short of legalizing gay marriage, and said that the legislature can title it whatever they want as long as it has all the bennies.
Three justices disagreed with that opinon. Was it because they bought the snake oil that all gays are slutty disease carrying pedophiles who can be cured by Jesus? Are they saying our families don’t matter? No. They thought that gay couples being unable to access the rights of marriage was bullshit and New Jersey should JUST LET THEM GET MARRIED ALREADY.
Recap: 4 justices for civil unions. 3 justices for equal marriage. And 0 justices for homophobia. Ouch.
So I am happy for those couples in New Jersey who are getting the legal protections they deserve. And I’m extra happy that they get them while giving the anti-marriage equality forces a sharp kick in the pants in the process.
I agree wholeheartedly with this awesome article. In fact, I would like to quote my favorite parts (with emphasis):
Librarians have degrees. They go to graduate school for Information Science and become masters of data systems and human/computer interaction. Librarians can catalog anything from an onion to a dog’s ear. They could catalog you.
Librarians wield unfathomable power (mwah ha ha). With a flip of the wrist they can hide your dissertation behind piles of old Field and Stream magazines. They can find data for your term paper that you never knew existed. They may even point you toward new and appropriate subject headings.
People become librarians because they know too much. Their knowledge extends beyond mere categories. They cannot be confined to disciplines. Librarians are all-knowing and all-seeing. They bring order to chaos. They bring wisdom and culture to the masses. They preserve every aspect of human knowledge. Librarians rule. And they will kick the crap out of anyone who says otherwise.
To that, I raise a hearty Hell Yeah.
Last week. Congressman Gerry Studds died. It was a random blood clot, one of those totally sucky things that happens. For those who don’t know Gerry Studds, he was the first openly gay congressman and his name has been popping up lately in comparison to Mark Foley. Studds had an affair with a page when he was closeted, but unlike Foley, the page that Studd had sex with said it was consentual and stood by him. With Foley all the pages were seriously creeped out.
So Gerry Studds married his long term partner when gay marriage became legal in Massachusetts. And now he is dead. And now, his husband will not be getting jack squat.
“A gay spouse will not receive any sort of pension or annuity or anything like that,” said Chad Cowan, a spokesman for the U.S. Office of Personnel Management, which administers the congressional pension program under federal law.
“It’s not anything that anybody in our office has seen before,” he added.
Great. That’s just great. The fact that there is no prescedent for pensions to married gay partners of congressmen makes it ok to rip this guy off. So how much are we talking about here?
If Hara were a woman and married to Studds — rather than a same-sex spouse — he would receive $62,000 a year from Studds’ pension program under the congressional retirement system, according to NTU guidelines.
Why is Studd’s husband not getting his rightful hands on this wad of fat cash?
Although similar state benefits are provided to same-sex spouses within Massachusetts, the state’s gay marriage law is left toothless outside the commonwealth by a federal law passed in 1996 known as the Defense of Marriage Act.
It supercedes any state initiative legalizing gay marriage, and declares that federal benefits normally passed along to surviving spouses is limited to “a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or wife.”
So lets get to the title of this post: DOMA is why the states rights arguement for gay marriage is bullshit. The arguement (which has been made by ambivilently-gay forces and gay men like Andrew Sullivan goes like this – Since it is too hard to get full marriage rights for all gay citizens in the US, it shoud be given on a state by state basis. This means that if gays can win in California, good for them. But if they can’t win in Mississippi, then that is just too bad for them.
And DOMA is the reason why this arguement is entirely bullshit. State by state marriage rights won’t allow surviving gay spouses to access pensions. State by state marriage rights won’t allow married gay couples to file their taxes jointly. State by state marriage rights won’t allow our spouses access to our Social Security when we get old and die. State by state marriage won’t allow gay spouses access to their partner’s veteran beenfits, from health insurance to the ability to bury their dead lovers. State by state marriage fucks up child custody when people cross state lines.
State by state marriage is a facade, to make straight people feel like they don’t have to get too extra-cirricular in fighting for gay marriage. It puts all the burden on us, on the gay community. It leaves us high and dry in a lot of ways financially.
But even more insidiously, it hits us in the place where it hurts the most. It hurts us when we are most vulnerable.
“He should be able to focus on grieving, not on the discrimination perpetrated against him,” she said. The pension benefits “should be automatic,” Isaacson said.
This is the victory for DOMA, for states rights, for “traditional values”. The pain of a gay person is enhanced. And at the times when I feel most pessemistic about the status of gay rights in this country, I think that is all they want. To hurt us, to kick us when we are most down in the name of ‘states rights’.
